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meaningless

how does this life work? I'm sitting in my room analyzing it. I breathe in. I breathe out. How do I work? How am I able to think and converse with people? What the heck am I doing here? I'm so small. Here in this little city of Torrance. Everything is so much bigger than I. The world, the galaxy, the universe. But to me, most of the time I'm so big. Weird. Me defines what I do. Really, I don't get it. I don't get how people go without God. I don't get how I did it, how I still do it, or how I will continue to do it. How did everyone become so caught up in themselves and what we all can achieve? We're just sitting here on this earth, spinning around, going in little circles. And the earth is just going in one big circle. Meaningless. It almost makes me not want to do anything, but I can't do that. I don't know why, I don't know what drives me to go next. Really, honestly, truly. I just don't get it.

basically I come back to the question that plagues me: What is all this?!?!

BAD BATTERY

I went to autozone today and they tested my battery. You know what the test result said, on the nice little LCD screen? BAD BATTERY. I told the guy that's nice. It's so simple. I feel like everything in life is so complicated now. I'm a computer guy, but sometimes I'm like man, let's just use paper and ledgers again or whatever people used before computers. Stone tablets. Because hey, paper doesn't unexpectedly shut down. Paper doesn't give you weird error messages. Paper was good to us. One day you'll see, you'll all see. Paper fades though. That's one downside, but hey. You can see that coming.

In tribute to paper: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LRBIVRwvUeE

children

i saw a video today on church about horrid living conditions for children in africa. they walk 8 miles every night to sleep on mats to escape possible abduction. sad. we constantly seek more. but by the standard of just having a car, to 92% of the world, we're rich. insane. i started to think, does america really care about children? and then I flashed back to last friday, when i was walking by a fire station in santa monica. there was a sign, you could drop your unwanted baby off there. you can abort your baby right after it's conceived, just take a pill! didn't know you're were pregnant? even months after it's conceived, just go to the clinic! or if you decide you don't want it then just drop it off and the government will take care of it. i prefer that option to dropping it in a trash can or aborting it, but these are human beings. not laundry. not trash. so i don't think america really cares about children. we say we do and when we see the pictures of these conditions we all well up with tears, but the truth is the actions of our country show something different.

oy vey

it's late. happy valentines day. I just don't feel like going to sleep. or shaving. i think i'll do that prior to going to bed though. I haven't really shaved my beard in two weeks, mostly been doing work from home right now. So what's the point? But tomorrow, well I figure 1. i'm meeting alicia for breakfast so it's nice to not look scraggly even though i don't think she cares. and 2. I picked up a new client through craigslist so i don't feel like looking like a hobo for them. Anyways. this whole indepedent contract thing is cool. i just have weird hours. I like it though. Hopefully I can get enough this month to keep me going for a little bit. Stuff always turns up. i'm really excited about the sharefest site. that's gonna be a fun one. so much to do. ok time to shave and stuff.

tired of applying for jobs

I got tired of applying for jobs. Really, it's just time consuming. Looking for a full time job IS a full time job. So I decided that I wasn't going to do it anymore. No, instead I took three hours and programmed a piece of software that will auto apply to Craigslist computer gigs and Dice jobs in Torrance with the keywords I want in them. It even checks if I've applied to the job before. The Craigslist portion is done, Dice is almost done. I should go to sleep now. Peace out.

ld